Hi I just need idk advice
So I've been ugly my whole life, not that I'm fat or skinny, I go to the gym I'm an average build, and just my face is very wide and ugly if it was slimmer id look good. I've been hating myself for my whole life just because of how my face and body look. I have barely any curves, I'd say I'm top heavy which is terrible for a woman, like I just look weird. The only thing I actually kinda like about myself are my green eyes and curly brown hair everything else, I'm ashamed of. I tried wearing make up, wearing better clothes, but nothing can change how my face looks. Nothing can give me bigger and fuller chest and behind. I feel very terrible about myself, I've tried to be the best I could in everything else, I was always a nerd in school and I tried to be a good kid. But from what I see no one of that matters, guys don't care if you're a good person, they only care about looks, no matter what they say. They will deal with so much bs from a pretty woman and they would do anything for her, but for me? No matter what I do, guys are just so neutral about me. Even my exes never really cared about me, were only with me so they wouldn't be alone. And I've honestly been thinking about idk any kind of surgery, bone shaving? Boob job? Ik ik it's not a good solution and it's imo not worth it, won't make me happy. But I do think about it, would people be nicer to me? Instead of treating me like I don't exist. I'm genuinely so sick and tired of it. Just I've avoided mirrors just because idk I don't wanna be reminded who I am, how others see me. Like pretty women have life so much easier, everything just comes in a silver platter to them, love, care, affection from anyone not just men, and I get nothing even from my bf just because of how my face looks. I just want to sob all day. For being born in this body, for having to be bullied just over how I look, I'm ashamed to go out in public, I'm ashamed when people see me and look at me. I just want to disappear. I've tried drinking, but that just makes the emotions feel even heavier so I stopped soon after. Working out? Yeah sure it's okay but, I'd never look as good as those naturally pretty women no matter how hard I try, I have a masculine body type, literally got the worst body shape for a girl, I genuinely just want to sob. Idk if this was the right sub for this but I'll try, I have no one else to talk to, and a therapist is too expensive, and I have no friends, or anyone to just be vulnerable with. Tbh it is my fault I push everyone away when they try to get close because again I'm ashamed of who I am. Thanks for reading this