I find myself sitting with that today.
I told my husband Friday I was sticking to what I said last year, he blew his last chance and Friday is our official separation date and I will file for divorce in 6 months as our state requires.
He didn’t come home all weekend. But he did last night and went right in to verbal abuse this morning.
The kids and I are in a pretty bad spot.
I will spare you the details, we are the ones at our rock bottom.
It’s my birthday.
I’m sitting here finally not shaking any more just wondering who he is.
All this lashing out and being nasty, is he still there? Does he feel bad about the things he’s saying or does he truly believe this? It’s mainly things to shame me and playing in known insecurities.
Our oldest is pretty solidly in recovery from an eating disorder and in her thoughts this is similar to what her father is dealing with. Eating disorders consume your life and warp your mind. There was some pretty dark times and verbal abuse on her end at times too.
And in the thick of it her therapist told me it’s not her, that’s her eating disorder presenting. She was staving her brain.
She doesn’t remember that time much at all.
Is it a fair comparison?
He’s hurting me because I’m sticking to what I need to do.
He has always thought I’m not going anywhere, he’s said that so many times in the past. And in an ideal world I wouldn’t.
I didn’t get married to get divorced. I didn’t have kids to raise them in this and eventually on my own.
If this is something you did I would love insight.