My partner doesn't love me anymore
Myself and my partner keep having spats of distance between us where one month were ok and the other we are strangers. We both do shift work so often find ourselves on opposite shifts and as a result wont see each other very much for most of the week.
About two months ago I noticed my partner had something to say to me but couldn't so I had to try to guess while she nodded. It was clear to me it was about how she felt about me and after asking her the dreaded question 'Do you still love me?', she responded with things like she doesn't know or she wants to.
I felt like I left that conversation with us broken up but the next day at work, she called me to further discuss her feelings and said she felt the distance hasn't helped our relationship and she loves me.
At this point I was so confused as to what to think as I wasn't getting a clear answer. I explained to her that I felt it wasn't just our shift work but also the fact that she is so emotionally invested in other guys at her work place that even when we are together, she is constantly on her phone typing away with them. That I felt like I was constantly fighting for her attention. She said, she has recognised that and will try to work on it.
Since then, she hasn't said 'I love you' once to me and seems to actively avoid saying it where she would normally say it in conversation. She used to tell me she loved me when we would part ways when leaving the house or at the end of messaging on the phone. I use to hear it from her about 3-5 times a day but its been 0 since we spoke on the phone after our initial conversation about two months ago.
I get the sense that she doesn't want to say it if she doesn't mean it and I decided when I noticed what she was doing, that I would also not say it as I didn't want to have her say it back as some sort of automatic response. I have been waiting patiently to see if she will say it without being prompted.
She decided to go on a holiday for the first time without me with her work colleagues (friends), a bunch of guys and I believe two girls. When she asked how I would feel about it, I was honest and told her I didn't feel comfortable about it. She booked it anyway.
I didn't want to be stuck at home alone feeling sorry for myself so I booked a solo trip during the same period to get me out of the house. I don't know if it will help me relax or just make me feel more lonely but needed to do something.
Our holidays are at the end of the month and I have decided I will confront her afterwards about how she feels about us. I have been very supportive in the past and would always try to make her feel better about things, even if its negative towards myself but for the first time, I wont be holding back and will push for either a serious change or a break up as I cannot live like this.
We have owned a house together for the past 2 years and realise it will be an extremely difficult process if we do breakup.
I'm scared and worried, its been 8 years but what we were and what we are, seem to be two completely different sets of people.