How do you know if you have pure O type ocd
Like when i was relegious we had to take a shower after semen comes out, i was 15 year old, the relegious text says that you have to cover every simgle part of your body with water and don't leave a space not even the size of a hair that's not covered by water, so i would go to the shower, most of relegious people and my family do this in just 5 to 10 minutes, i take 2 hours, and even after 2 hours of just washing i would still be scared that i did it wrong, ot made me very distressed, i asked my parents for help, and i even told them that I'm willing to cut off my genetalia if it means i can stop taking these showers, i was 16 or 15 at the time, so i kept taking those showers that were very distressing, and then at some point i just gave up, i stopped going to the showers, i stopped praying (because you can't pray if you don't take the shower) , and then i felt really horrible because I'm not being a good relegious person, i then went into college,i used to think that i know internet pop culture very well, but in college i discovered there are other students who know much more than me,i know this is weird but it made me feel really inferior,so i spent 8 hours a day just trying to know more memes play more video games,listen to more music,not because i like them,but so that I'm not the guy that doesn't know,i even bought a pc just for this ,i don't know what this was but it continued for a year,and i saw that some students were athiests, i didn't talk with them, but i already knew the idea before, then i went through a weird process where i discovered determinsim, and that made me leave relegion because i concluded that it's not possible for god to punish people if the world is determined, the relegious people i told this too told me it's fine because the past life decides this life so not just random determimsim, but i discovered that thier argument is just infinite regress (what decided the past life?) , after that like a year, i started obsessing about the famous debates between liberals and conservatives about abortion and lgbtq, and I'm on conservatives sides kinda, probably because of my relegious background and me living in a conservative country were both lgbtq and abortion are illegal, but i spend a lot of time thinking about these topics, especially lgbtq, i go to lgbt sub Reddits and just read the arguments they make, they are good arguments, they make me feel horrible, but they don't change me, so i keep just thinking about it, i feel really bad when i see a pride flag or a gay couple or a trans, but I'm fine if i see lgbtq porn, but interestingly if the porn video has a pride flag on the wall of the place, i feel horrible too, i feel like I'm a bad person because I'm against lgbtq, but at the same time i feel really bad when i see lgbtq being just accepted, i spend around 7 hours a day just looking at lgbtq and thinking about it and it's history and arguments and the pop evolutionary theories and i don't know but sometimes i ask myself, why am i spending time on Reddit being against lgbtq, and knowing that I'll just be called a hateful bigot and everyone would just reject me? I personally don't know the answer to that question, lgbtq say they live rent free in my head, and that's absolutely true, and it's making me feel horrible, they say I'm on the wrong side if history, and they are probably right, they say the world is moving toward accepting them, and they are probably right, they say it's just a matter of time before we bigots just Dissapear, and they are probably right. But this doesn't stop me from feeling horrible when i see a gay couple or a pride flag, and it doesn't change my mind.
Mod or mods, if you want to ban me, i would appreciate it if you also tell me if i just should delete Reddit forever, because if i get banned here then this would be the fourth sub Reddit where i just get permanently banned from posting, and that doesn't feel good