Recently I realized I am like mid relapse and I feel so fucking frustrated. Looking back, I can see exactly what caused it and how it started but the fact that this ED snuck its way back into my life after being in recovery for nearly 2 years is so fucking frustrating.
The only reason I realized it is because I recently I had a physical, where I learned I've lost 25% of my body weight in the past like 6 months since my last appointment!! This was obv a red flag for my PCP and therapist, so we looked back at all the things we have been working on and all the unstable/anxious feelings I've been dealing with for months now and sure as shit it is all connected. I don't know how I didn't realize I was acting on behaviors and making excuses for myself. I literally thought I was maintaining recovery, eating intuitively, and coping with all the things going on in my life well. It feels so shitty being back where I started. And it feels even worse that I am going to have to go through all the struggles of weight restoration again when I've already done it before.
Obviously we are already working on a plan to course correct and if it doesn't work out in a fully outpatient setting, I have already decided to seek a HLOC, even just IOP or PHP, so I can continue working. But yeah, I just feel a little defeated knowing that even when I think I am doing well, I may not be.
Sorry if this is worded oddly or too vague, I didn't wanna give a bunch of details to avoid triggering others, but UGH, has anyone else dealt with a hidden/unnoticed relapse? How did you get out of it? Do you have any tips on how to prevent this from happening again?