S McG
It's been a long time, maybe 14 years but it could be longer, I'm not great with time.
You were the love of my life, hell you still are. I might not give you the same space at the forefront of my thoughts anymore but the background ache has never gone away.
Our very last interaction over a WhatsApp broadcast accidentally arriving on my phone from you was cruel. You were so cold. That closed the door on any attempts from me to communicate.
I'm not sure why I am writing this now, you'd think I'd have got over it all by now. I'm just not sure us is something I'll ever get over
I wasn't very stable back then, I didn't know I was neurodivergent, I didn't understand how my brain worked or how it caused all the self sabotage. I put a lot of the blame on you, I blamed you for things that were wholly constructs of my emotional sensitivity and rarely true. I've done a lot of work, I know me now, and I've managed to become frightfully successful.
There is an infinite sadness that I will never be able to share what I have achieved with you, what I have become, I think if you could see past your hatred you would be proud.
There are things I will never forgive myself for Steve and throwing our relationship away is one of them.
I'm sorry for everything and I hope you have found happiness.
Yours,
BB