Maybe insane: ENFP 5w6 sx/so
Is this possible? Wtf am I?
Please let me know if there's a better fit because I don't see this combination anywhere.
Know for sure that I'm an ENFP. I can be very charming, very easy to get along with. I love asking people questions to try and find interesting bits and bobs. But I always find myself a little awkward when being posed a question I wasn't really thinking about. Though I am often found talking passionately about what I care about or have felt deeply about. I'm also just a fucking weirdo.
Pretty sure I'm a 5w6 since being emotionally neglected seems pretty consistent with the 5 core trauma of being "rejected intimacy," and thus developing a desire for self-sufficiency in knowledge. I remember dreaming to be a prodigy though I am unfortunately too stupid for it.
Even though I haven't acted upon it, I have an urge to fight the Earth to be a better place. I have consistently wanted to do volunteering, to argue with people's politics (though always amicably and not on a personal character assassination level), to do better for the world and the future. This mostly comes from my own exploration of myself through my art (Ne, Fi), using my feelings to investigate how my own mind contributes to systems of oppression like class, race, sex, sexuality, etc, to extrapolate how these things plague my mind onto how it would also plague others. I feel like I am constantly attempting to improve my own worldview, both as a deep passionate interest in learning but also in an ethical framework for me to operate in the world.
But ironically and unfortunately, I am complacent and really have nothing to show for these feelings other than having a disagreement with someone. Partly comes from feeling like no one supports me, both friends and family, and even though I love them dearly I am conscious of the burden placed onto me and in ways it makes me resent them. I think about all the people I've met in my life and not one person has felt like I could properly be intimate with them, even though I have embarrassingly tried to. I hold an almost embodied belief that I will never find someone I can trust intimately because I am so used to being depended on and unsupported. It has made socialising very tiring and disappointing, but it doesn't take away the draw of it.