u/ConexionReal_IA

Why do I feel unwanted in my own relationship when I still love my partner?

I’m 29F and I’ve been with my partner (35M) for a few years, and I didn’t think I’d ever feel like this, but here I am.

Lately, I can’t shake this feeling that I’m the only one trying when it comes to any kind of intimacy.

If I don’t initiate anything, nothing happens. Not even small things like a hug, a kiss, or any kind of physical closeness.

And I don’t mean just sex… I mean feeling desired, feeling like he actually wants me.

At the beginning, I didn’t think too much about it. I told myself he was tired, stressed, or just not the kind of person who initiates much.

But it’s been happening for so long now that it’s starting to get into my head.

I’ve caught myself wondering if there’s something wrong with me.

If I’m not attractive enough anymore. If I changed in some way and didn’t notice.

And I hate thinking like that, because I know I shouldn’t base my self-worth on that… but it’s hard not to when you feel invisible in that way.

What makes this even more confusing is that everything else in our relationship seems fine.

We don’t have big fights. We talk, we laugh sometimes, we go through our daily life like a normal couple.

But this part… this part feels empty.

I’ve tried to hint at it, I’ve tried to create moments, but I always end up feeling like I’m forcing something that should come naturally.

And I’m getting tired of feeling like I’m asking for something that I shouldn’t have to ask for.

At the same time, I feel guilty for even feeling this way, because I know he’s not a bad person and he hasn’t done anything “wrong”.

I just don’t know what to think anymore.

Is this something that just happens over time… or am I ignoring something I shouldn’t?

when you love your partner?

I’ve been noticing something lately that’s starting to bother me.

My partner and I are in a good place overall, we get along, we talk, everything seems fine from the outside.

But when it comes to physical intimacy… something feels off.

There are moments when I just don’t feel like it, especially when I’m tired or not in the mood. And even when I try to communicate it, I end up feeling guilty… like I’m somehow doing something wrong.

What makes it harder is that sometimes I feel like my “no” isn’t fully understood. Not in a bad way, but more like it creates tension or distance afterwards.

And that’s what’s confusing me.

Because I do care about my partner, and I don’t want to hurt them… but I also don’t think it’s healthy to feel pressure or guilt around something like this.

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you handle it without damaging the relationship?