u/ConcentrateFast3573

I relapsed, even though I was doing really well this month. I lost $1,000 today, and I was planning to buy my Europe ticket next week to see my cousin for two weeks in July. But after losing that money, it hurts a lot. I’ve lost almost $2000 in the last four days.
I have to go to school, but now even that feels terrible. I’m so unmotivated to do anything. I did ban myself from all the apps today, but now I feel like I need to make that money back by July and is hard for me because I work part time and barely get shift. I don’t want to use my savings.
It hurts a lot, and this keeps happening. I can’t tell my parents because they’ll lose their minds, and we’re not a rich family, so it hurts even more seeing how much money I’ve wasted. I could have given that money to my parents I feel like if I touch my savings that money is going to disappear and I can’t do that to myself. I feel so lost in life. My birthday is in about a week, and I just feel disgusted with myself. I don’t know what to do. It also hurts that I’ve isolated myself from everyone. What hurt me the most is that I wasn’t faced at all when I lost the money and ironically I lost double of that about a year ago in July. I’m so done I feel like I’m drowning in this addiction it hurts me because I’m so young and don’t know what to do.
I know this is not like a life-changing event like stories around here but I fear that one day it’ll lead me to it and I don’t want that but I don’t know how to stop or how to approach a way to change my life for the better I’m only 20 and I can’t ruin my life. Sorry I just wanted to vent I got no one else to talk to.