Since I was young, I was never the type of girl who developed crushes on boys in my class. I always joke that I’ve known them since pre-K. I’ve seen them throw up, poop their pants, and be sweaty and gross 😭, so I just neverviewed them in a romantic way. I care about them, but only as friends. The only exception would be new students (like in 8th grade), where there’s a bit of mystery.
Even in uni, it didn’t really change. During my bachelor’s, I would mentally rule guys out pretty quickly especially based on their attitude or how they handled group work. I could genuinely like them as people, but never romantically. Sometimes they’d confess, and my immediate thought would be: “No way… not with how you act in group projects.” 😅
At one point, I started wondering if something was wrong with me. I’ve only been in one relationship my whole life; it lasted 4 years in high school, and that was about 5 years ago. He was a year above me.
Now that I’m approaching my mid 20s, I’ve noticed I still get turned off really easily. Even small things stick out to me, like how someone walks, how they present themselves on social media, if they brag about money, or if they come off as performative. I don’t go into interactions looking for a partner, and I don’t point these things out to them; it’s more like I subconsciously notice them. But if they later show interest in me, suddenly all those little things come back and become very obvious.
Lately, I’ve been wondering if this is some form of idealization or over-filtering. Like maybe I’m subconsciously holding people to a standard that’s too rigid.
I’m not asking this because I’m desperate to be in a relationship; I’m actually okay on my own. I just want to understand myself better and maybe “fix” this pattern if it’s something unhealthy.
Has anyone experienced something similar?