I am approaching my 30s and I have lived a very full life so far. I was always a very positive person growing up, I never struggled with anxiety or depression in my teen/young adult years. I lived abroad for much of my early 20s and travelled a lot, made lots of friends, and learned much about life during that time. My husband and I met abroad and I brought him to my home country and we got married and decided to stay close to my family. This was where everything changed for me. I started feeling deeply sad and depressed that the best years of my life had ended. I had spent several years looking forward to settling down and getting married but now that I’ve done it, I can’t help but dread that I have lost the freedom and adventure that I used to have. my husband is amazing, and I love him dearly, it is the life that we are living now that makes me depressed. I feel like we threw away travelling and living abroad to be close to my family and I am beginning to regret that choice. The life that we were living before wasn’t sustainable, I knew that at some point that we would need to settle down and have stable jobs. Now, we have jobs and get along fine and I feel trapped in this routine.
I am extremely grateful, we have everything that we need and more. We have a big apartment that we call home, two perfect dogs, family close, and we are very happy together, so I don’t know what is missing. I feel ashamed and frustrated with myself for feeling this way. Logically, I know that I should be so happy with where my life is, but emotionally I cannot convince myself that I am happy. The thought of just living my years away at an office job I don’t like and coming home to the same old routine makes me feel terrible. The thought of having kids makes it worse. I feel like I am living the life that I’m supposed to or was expected to live, rather than living MY life that aligns with who I am.
I know that this is such a first world problem. I remind myself how lucky I am for the life that I have, but I still feel like I am trying to convince myself that I am happy. What is wrong with me ? Does everyone silently feel the same way ?