u/Complex_Clue_3103

Honestly, I don't fully understand why I'm sharing this story.

I think I'm bisexual, but I'm much, I mean MUCH, more attracted to women. I've had girlfriends, but never boyfriends. I was attracted to them as people, not as men

I never suffered from it. I took my sexuality for granted. (Except for an episode of religious psychosis where I begged God to either forgive me for my love or make me heterosexual.)

In my family, only my older sister knows about my sexuality. My family isn't particularly religious, but they will never accept me. My mother always dreamed of me getting married and having four children (sounds absurd, right?), and I have no interest in family life at all.

I understand that my mother and the rest of my family will never accept me. I seriously entertained the absurd idea of ​​moving away and faking my death just so I wouldn't disgrace my family. Even though LGBT relationships are legal in our country, I'm more likely to be beaten to death in an alley than accepted. In a couple of years, I'll start getting pestered about marriage, and I'm afraid because I don't know if I'll be able to leave the country in time to come out without my family being able to harm me (emotionally or physically).

(sorry for my English)

I'll be 16 this month, and I still act like an idiot. I haven't seen a psychologist and don't think I have any diagnoses, but I'm often called retarded.

I still sleep with a stuffed animal and am afraid of the dark and sleeping alone. Seriously. I often don't get basic things and jokes, and I sometimes say what I think and behave very abnormally. My mom says that at my age, my peers are having children and I need to grow up, but I'm just afraid of it. I even tried dating girls (I'm a girl, and I wasn't attracted to guys), but I simply lacked the emotional intelligence to be a good partner. Although I feel sorry for everyone and look for excuses for those who treat me like crap. I try not to show negative emotions and keep quiet, but then I suffer from it myself.

Is this normal?