u/CompleteShelter1414

Maybe you're avoiding me, perhaps not. Maybe your affections have found another host. Maybe you just have a sudden change in schedule. Or maybe I'm just delusional...

I got so used to seeing you even if briefly for months, you probably don't know this but it was the highlight of my day most days and something I looked forward to. I carried this infatuation with me quietly all this time but I guess not quiet enough if you've somehow found out about it and are now avoiding me. I can catch the hint... I'm sorry if I ever made you feel uncomfortable or creeped out.. it wasn't my intention. I thought quietly admiring you from afar was okay but I guess I was wrong. I feel really sad to be honest. I had all these weird confusing feelings about you and nowhere to put them. But I guess you're doing the work for me and I will try to let you go. You deserve all the joy and happiness in the world, I wish I could be apart of it but I know it's not my place. Once again, I'm sorry.

:(

I've been breaking my own heart for months. I was really so taken with you and so smitten. You were everything I liked in a person and it's so rare and hard for me to find that in someone I'm also really physically attracted to. I don't know if you suffer with insecurities or low self-confidence, but you're my kind of ideal. I knew the circumstances were unkind, which is why I kept my distance. I'm not the type of person who approaches people very often, they usually come to me (NOT a brag.) I'm actually very shy and socially awkward, I've just gotten very good at masking over the years. I'm actually incredibly introverted and people are constantly draining me of my energy but I let it happen because I suck at establishing boundaries and want to give people the opportunity to feel seen and heard. It sometimes makes me angry at myself.

Holy tangent... anyway, all of that to say. I never forced myself to seek you out, when the crush first formed I was a bit bolder but after realizing how that could come off as really bad, I pulled back a lot. But what I've come to realize is that you actually don't like me. You don't. If you did... things would be different. And in fact it's reached a point where it's not even that you don't like me back, I feel like you're off-put by me. Like you're creeped out or freaked out by me and I don't want to feel like this again. It hurts. It triggers all these old childhood wounds where I was neglected and not worthy of love. Of being chosen. Of being a priority. My heads all messed up and I'm really sad. I have to continue to see you and I have no choice in the matter, if it gets really bad I'll try to see if I can change my schedule to the point where we never have to cross paths again.

I could make excuses for you, pull out every delusional trick in the book but I think reality has hit me a few times already at this point. You don't care about me, at all. Not even a little. Not even enough to ask how my day is going, if I'm doing okay, "how are you?" Never heard it. My name? From your lips? Never happened. HAHA I'm fucking crazy I guess. I opened TikTok last night and the first one said "When you develop limerence for someone who has never even said your name before." And my jaw dropped, like not my fucking algorithm calling me out like that. Ouch. I can't do it anymore. If you wanted to be friends with me, we would be by now, and I just have to accept that I'm not those tiny cutesy little girlies that you like and want to protect of whatever. Once again, I have found that I'm not good enough, not even for basic human decency and I'm going to lick my wounds and harden my heart another layer again.

Goodbye handsome.