u/Competitive_Office23

I'm 18(FTM) and I've dealt with urinary stress incontience since I was 10 shortly after I was Sexually assaulted. My issues aren't bad enough that I wear 24/7 (can't afford that any way) I pretty much only wear pull ups if I'm going out to an event of some kind or occasionally at night because I can't sleep through the night without waking up for the bathroom

But aside from my physical issues, I've always found diapers weirdly comforting? I'm autistic and have an anxiety + cPTSD. For me, diapers have always kinda made me feel very safe. They ease my general anxiety better than anything else. They always have, even before I started having to actually need to wear protection during events

Ive always had a lot of guilt over pretty much all my health issues. But I guess it's just a really weird combination, liking diapers because they just make me feel safe and ease my anxiety. But also dealing with stress incon and genuinely needing them sometimes. I guess I just feel like somehow that shouldn't be allowed. Logically I know it is. But it feels like it isn't. Like it isn't okay to like wearing diapers for comfort. As well as to just make my life easier when it comes to my incon

Does anyone else feel like this? How do I deal with it?

Tldr: I like diapers because they ease my anxiety and bring me comfort. But I'm also stress incontienent. Is it even okay to like them for comfort and because they genuinely help my incon issues? Is it okay to wear protection for comfort and for their intended purpose? Is both okay?

So- I've dealt with urinary stress incontience since I was 10. I'm 18 (FTM) and I recently told my partner about it. I had told her about my issues before, but I had never gone into true depth about it. But I told her about how I leak sometimes when I get home, how I wake up a bunch of times throughout the night to pee, how sometimes in the mornings I'll leak. I even told her what it means when I bang my wrists together, which is a reflexive habit I gained when my "leaks" or accidents became more frequent, doing this let's me stop it. Even if it is embarrassing, it's less embarrassing than possibly wetting myself. She told me that she noticed how I do that at least a quarter or half the time whenever I laugh, bang my wrists together. I told her how I often will end up forgetting to use the restroom, and she's taken it upon herself to gently remind me when we say goodnight

I guess I just wanted to ramble here. I didn't expect her to be so supportive and okay with it, but she is. And it makes me really happy- at the same time thought I'm still super embarrassed. She isn't judgemental in the slightest. I just feel bad. Because in a way, I feel like she deserves better than someone who genuinely has these types of issues. That's very self deprecating I know. She just cares about me, and I'm not used to that. And it makes me embarrassed, the issue itself, the fact that its even something I had to have a conversation with her about.

It's also frustrating, because I don't want to have these problems. And I have anxiety, a lot of the times when I have conversations like these I stammer a lot and tend to stumble over my words and get very shakey. So sometimes ill have to rexplain things. I'm just embarrassed, frustrated that this is even an issue. But I'm also happy that she's so supportive about it. I've struggled with monetary issues my whole life, it's not something I've told medical professionals about.

Has anyone gone through this before? Having a form of incontience and having to have that conversation with your partner. Is it normal to be so embarrassed, even when they're supportive? How do I feel less embarrassed about this?