Does anyone have tips for dealing with gender dysphoria.
I am dealing with gender dysphoria. I have always had a lingering feeling of discomfort with my biological sex (female) for around 12 years (for context, I am a teenager). I looked at males with envy. I envied their flat chests, muscular or veiny arms, taller stature and lack of curves, as well as them being able to dress masculine without judgement. When I was a child, I would draw a male as my self insert OC. I would also pick a male avatar when playing video games. The feeling has become more prominent for around a year, even though the feeling has always lingered at the back of my mind. For example, in the past, I would notice that my laugh feels weird when the voice sounds feminine. I sometimes get random spikes of discomfort that made me want to punch a wall or even cut my own skin (don't worry, I stopped cutting last week and I was never suicidal or clinically depressed in the first place). Around late last year, I identified as trans but have since desisted. I have told my parents about this feeling and they said that I was being influenced by the internet and my friends and I would not be this way had I been living in the past. I have desisted ever since December/November last year (I think). I am trying to live my life as a non dysphoric girl (not a feminine one so please please PLEASE don't say "Oh you can just be a tomboy" since I've been doing that since I was 4). Unfortunately, the dysphoria keeps triggering randomly. I keep comparing my height to family members and boys in my class, knowing I will probably live my whole life being much shorter than my brother. Oh yea also I write poetry to cope with this (as well as praying to the Lord).
Anyways, do y'all have tips? To the supportive ones, I don't want to accept that I could be trans. It will just hurt more since I likely won't be able to get hormones until I am independent with a job and that will probably only be in 8 years from now (I want a degree before getting a stable job). Also I go to a school with gendered uniforms so I can't just wear loose shirt and pants all the time and hope for the best. I really want to just accept who God made me to be and I want to stop feeling like this. If anyone has tips (even if they are 'transphobic') I will listen. Thank you for reading this, God bless.
Edit: Also I'd like to add that I often feel as if I'm missing a umm... appendage. (It's not a fetish)