I (adhd, ocd mom) am parenting a very clearly adhd three year old after going through it with my 18 year old, as well as, a yet to see- extremely shrieky, poor sleep one year old and experiencing an intense mix of grief and fear but also sympathy for my younger self who thought she was just an awful parent cause this IS really hard.
Feeling like I’m already messing up. Breaks my heart to hear him say I’m sorry mama, I’m sorry mama when I sigh when he has an outburst or does something impulsive. Or when my brain goes into lizard mode when he just won’t do what I say.
Living with in-laws right now including my mil with cancer and constantly feel judged and like I‘m not disciplining properly. I know my own experience that traditional consequence or time out discipline didn’t work and that my impulsive behavior was beyond my control but shame leads me to reach for quick solutions to stop the disruptive behaviors which always backfires.
It’s so crazy because I’m living the same reality (toddler and a baby, living at in-laws) but flash forward 20 years and almost 40 versus 20.
I guess I hoped I’d be older aaaand wiser by now but finding myself faced with same fears and insecurities—
Wondering if I have what it takes to give him what he needs, wondering if I’ll lose my cool less frequently, wondering if he’ll struggle in the same way my teenager has.
That said, I at least have the confidence to my parenting intuition was correct (execution- a work in progress). I have a clear vision of how I want to raise my children and I’m FAR more equipped to identify my husband‘s weird family dynamics and their individual quirks and neuroses.
Thankful teenager is now working and in school and an awesome kind helpful super interesting guy but it was a really rough road. My three old is intensely creative, caring and articulate with bold bright ideas and an excitement about life. I think my biggest fears are extinguishing his light and the fact that I’m struggling hard enough with my own adhd that implementing the structure and routine just feels impossible sometimes. I have a lot regrets about how I responded to teenagers behavior and don’t want to repeat.