I was sober for about 6 months, almost at the 9th step, then relapsed on amphetamines. Like very bad. I did the 90 by 90, meeting and checking in with sponsor every day, got a service position, PHP, IOP, all the things.
One of my friends from treatment was very supportive for a long time and sang my praises every time I was brought up in conversation (we have mutual friends). Until I relapsed. He has been calling me and telling me that I am wasting money, I don’t actually want to get sober, he doesn’t trust me and no one ever will, I’m nothing but a liar, I’m not taking my program seriously etc. I do understand why he could be lead on to feel that way because he is right I did let some things slip and everything went very downhill from there quickly, but at this point I am just trying to be honest, move past everything, and not feel miserable in regret or guilt or shame.
He also has downplayed my alcoholism and told me it wasn’t that bad. How can someone say this with a clear conscience? I get he is trying to “help” but I feel it’s unfair considering I was doing extremely hard work. And the more he tells me no one will believe anything I ever say, and I am nothing more than an addict, the more I start to believe it. I also know tough love is helpful for some, but there is a line that is crossed when it’s a character assassination during a time I am trying to backpedal.
Moving forward, I am desperately trying to get sober, repair trust, lean on the God of my understanding and dig so fucking deep it hurts in step work, but I am feeling extremely discouraged.
My question to you: have you ever experienced this? How would you proceed from here? I am really struggling and would appreciate input