I (25F) have been close friends with this girl (let’s call her G) since 11th grade. Over the years, we became extremely close — like “default plus-one to everything” kind of close. School, tuitions, random hangouts, even trips later on. There was an unspoken understanding that if she was going somewhere, I was coming too, and vice versa.
We come from somewhat similar backgrounds, and for a long time, I felt like I was her primary person. Even her family trusted me a lot — to the point where they were more comfortable with her traveling if I was with her.
Things started shifting after undergrad. I moved away for studies for a bit, she got a job, her family situation improved financially, and she got a lot more independence (new house, her own room, car, better lifestyle overall). Around the same time, she also got closer to her college friend group.
At first, it was fine. I was included in trips with that group too. But I started noticing that I wasn’t really part of the planning — I’d just be told the destination, dates, etc., and expected to join. I brought this up once, saying I felt left out and wanted to be included in planning too. On the next trip, she did include me a bit (like asking about hotel/dates), but after that… something changed.
Now, I’m not included at all.
She goes on trips with them, plans everything with them, and I only find out later. Recently, one of her friends from that group even texted me asking why I’m not coming on a trip — which was awkward because I wasn’t even invited. When I brought this up to G, she said:
\- the car only had space for 5 people
\- she didn’t ask me because I had said no to trips earlier (I had legit reasons like ankle issues)
\- and that we can “go to a trip anytime separately”
But that’s exactly what bothers me.
Earlier, I was part of the main plan. Now I’m a separate plan.
It feels like I’ve gone from:
“core person”
to
“optional add-on (if convenient)”
What confuses me more is that just 2 months ago, she was constantly asking me to go on trips — like every few days. Now it’s like she doesn’t even think of me.
Outside of trips too, I feel like the effort is uneven:
\- She’s available on calls, but rarely shows up physically
\- During my breakup (and later when I found out I was cheated on), she supported me on call, but didn’t really show up in person even when I clearly said I needed her
\- There have also been past trust issues where something very personal I told her got out
At the same time, she’s not completely a bad friend either:
\- She does talk when I need her
\- She stayed on call with me for hours when I first found out about the cheating
\- She hasn’t cut me off — just… shifted
I recently brought up the trip thing again and told her I feel like I’m not even being asked anymore. She said earlier she used to ask a lot, and now she doesn’t because I had said no before.
And I just feel… off.
Like I’m no longer someone she automatically includes.
And I don’t know:
\- Am I expecting too much?
\- Or have I genuinely been pushed out of her “inner circle”?
Because it’s not direct exclusion. It’s subtle. Passive. Confusing.
She says she still considers me her #1 best friend.
And honestly, that’s what’s making it harder to deal with.
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TL;DR:
I used to be my best friend’s default plus-one for everything, including trips. After I expressed feeling left out of planning once and said no to a few trips (for valid reasons), she slowly stopped including me altogether. Now she plans everything with her other group and only offers separate plans with me. She still talks and supports me on calls, but the closeness and priority feel gone. I can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if I’ve genuinely been downgraded in her life.