My boyfriend recently started working night shifts alongside his regular fixed monthly income, which he receives without having to work and which is just enough to cover his basic expenses. He took on these night shifts to create more financial flexibility so that there’s money left over for activities, outings, and enjoying life a bit more.
He usually works from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m., sitting in a room where he scans access cards. It’s a very relaxed job, and he brings his laptop with him, which allows us to call each other or even play games together during his shifts.
As for me, I’m still studying and don’t work full-time. I usually work two to three days a week, and I fully adjust my schedule to his. Often, I have to submit my work availability one to two months in advance, so I plan my days in a way that allows me to spend longer stretches of time with him. Because we live at a distance from each other, I typically stay with him for five or six days in a row and sleep over. His schedule, however, is often decided last minute or only a few weeks ahead, so he usually takes whichever shifts are offered to him.
This is where the problem starts.
When I stay with him, our daily rhythms are very different. It has happened several times now that we agree I’ll wake him up at around 2 p.m., but he’s extremely difficult to wake, and I often can’t get him up at all. I then decide to start my day on my own—doing groceries or finding ways to entertain myself. Sometimes I feel quite bored and a bit lonely, especially since I come to him specifically to spend time together. I’m also always the one traveling to him, because staying at my place isn’t an option.
On multiple occasions, when I can’t wake him, he ends up sleeping until 7 or 8 p.m., even on his days off. When he works night shifts, I also notice that I often stay up longer to talk to him, but I don’t always feel that the same effort is returned. I do understand that night shifts can be tough, even if the work itself isn’t physically demanding—it’s more about the disruption of sleep.
Lately, I’ve started to feel some frustration building between us. I notice that I put a lot of effort into making time together work, and it’s difficult when even small things—like getting up at a reasonable time on days off—don’t seem to happen.
Am i the asshole and should i give him more space? I love him dearly but i noticed its affecting me a little lately..