Hello. I'm a college student in emotional distress.
They say that if you're nice to people, they will be nice to you back, simple as that.
thats why i dont understand why these things are happening to me. Eversince highschool i loved being helpful. its my way of saying "i care" without saying anything. I try my best to see the good in people because i know how it feels to be misjudged. I go out of my way to help people despite it being extra work for me. i am genuinely happy seeing them happy.
However, recently, things have been different. people seem to throw me more work, expecting me to nod and smile. i get tired too. in one instance, i was told to present two research papers in one day, alone. I have group members, but they got mad at me for suggesting to help me in the presentation. when i told my professors about it, they laughed at me and said i need to do good so i wouldnt be embarrassed infront of the judge.
i have a mood condition, and one of my current weaknesses is being infront of groups alone ( ex. i can handle being a speaker infront of a crowd but i cant handle siting alone in a social event. )
(((((btw, my professors know every studyent who has mental conditions in class and im one of them yet they keep disregarding me. ex. when me and some other classmates got asked why we failed the exam, she said she didnt take her antidepressants and my professor said she should take care of her mental health more often, and when i said that i couldnt focus that day and i will try harder next time she told me.. "your patient will die if you couldnt leave your personal problems at home. there is no next time in the hospital." ... i get it, be harsh, but at least be fair)))) anyway,,
that day was very stressful for me.
my research adviser did not even show up to support me.
i dont know whats worse:
doing the research presentation alone, no one supporting me
my group members where once my friends before they made me their own employee (by that i meant they give me all the work)
my professor, who i look up to, did not support me
the presentation is required for graduating students to have their exit pass, yet im (2nd year) doing it for them since im the only irregular student.
im not sure if im making sense... i just really need a place to vent. i hope this can be a safe place for me.
-- but here's the weird thing.. at the end of the day, I was happy.
I was happy because the traffic that day was light, the waitress at the food chain i visited was kind to me, the yogurt place offered discounts and i caught them on their last day, i crochet a scarf and finished it, and at home, when i opened the ice tray all the ice were filled up (usually people at home forget to refill it after).
i didnt know happiness and sadness can coexist?
what is this feeling?
should i let my bad experience go? and if so, wouldnt that mean im letting them go without consequences?
am i just making silly excuses to be happy even if im in a bad situation? is this my way of disregarding my emotions?
how about their consequences?
.... please kindly share your thoughts...
respectfully,
Nina