u/Cloudydayies

I don't like new things, it makes me really uncomfortable. It affects everything I do. I feel like I'm frozen in time trying to push myself through it but I just hate everything. Making new relationships, starting new things as simple as video games, trying new foods. All I can think about is what if I hate it and because of that I feel like I do for a long time and it takes awhile for me to understand how I actually feel. I'd rather not do anything at all then face that I might just not be happy with anything. So I'm just frozen trying to push myself to go but I can't. I'm too much of a coward to do things on my own. I hate failing, I feel like I fail at everything I do and so I hate everything I do. It's just exhausting. I put so much pressure on myself over the smallest things and pick at it till I crack. It's really only gotten worse but I don't know how to stop it. When I actually do try I fail. And I usually fail hard. The last romantic relationship I was in ended in me being stalked for an entire year. The last game I made myself try I felt like I couldn't like it because I kept comparing it to what I like already. when I tried college I struggled hard at making friends and keeping up with classes, it was too much pressure for me and I couldn't even get to my second semester before I had a breakdown and I haven't gone back since. I aimed way too high and I knew that from the start but I just wanted to have hope that I could do it. But I couldn't, I failed so miserablely. I don't know what I want from this. I guess I just want to stop doing this. I just want my head to shut up so I can finally fucking do something. Anything but sit here.