a week in Thailand is ruining my relationship
Hey Reddit, looking for some advice concerning me (31M) and my girlfriend (28F). Overall, we have a genuinely great relationship, but I’m struggling with a certain story from her past that I can’t get over, even with therapy
Background, we both have high body counts. Mine is ~480, and hers is ~50, but I’ve always been private about my past and don’t share those stories. She, on the other hand, is much more open about hers
When we first started dating, she told me about a solo trip she took to Vietnam and Thailand about three years before we met. In Vietnam, she met a very attractive (think jacked, beard, blah blah) Australian guy at a bar, hooked up with him, then canceled her original plans to travel to Thailand with him and his group instead. They spent about a week together camping on beaches, partying, travelling, and sleeping together "on the shore, under the moonlight and stars". She then showed me a photo she took at the bar and she was on his shoulders. That photo is burned into my memory, and she only recently deleted it at my request
Fast forward now, and the issue is that the version of her I got feels very different than the Thailand version of her. By the time we met, she was out of her party phase, on SSRIs/mood stabilizers, lower libido, and emotionally guarded with a ton of walls (has been SA'd numerous times in the past, almost all from drunken ONS, which make up 75%ish of her body count). It took months for her to open up to me. My RJ is stemming from my brain being unable to shake the feeling that she gave this spontaneity, passion, and excitement so easily to a stranger, while things with me have felt more cautious and restrained
A secondary feeling is that I think having ~40 ONS in about 4 years is a red flag. She told me she would just get drunk and let guys fuck her, to feel something (depressed during that time). It makes me sick knowing she let anyone hit, and I am working on fixing my perception of her and accept her past. This has led to me (regretably) calling her a wh*** when I was drunk one night and I saw that photo on her camera roll
I know this is irrational, but the Thailand story really bothers me and gives me the worst RJ I have ever had. How do I stop comparing her now to a version of her from the past, and has anyone dealt with something similar? Thanks in advance!