u/ClientFlashy3456

How do you deal after a break up?

I have so many bitter sweet memories that I want to leave behind from my previous relationship. But I also want to complain. He ultimately didn't see himself building a life with a trans woman because he wanted biological children. He decided to continue using dating apps in secret when we were supposed to be exclusive. It made me so angry, insecure and sad. I feel I hate all men. But deep down I can't also forget the good times of when we were together. He was very caring, sweet, and protective. We had so many fun dates and silly adventures. I just wish things would have been different

Hello everyone. This is my first time commenting here. English is not my first language I might have some grammatical mistakes here and there.

Time flies. It's been a year already. I transitioned when I was 28. I was feeling very insecure about starting in my late 20s. I read sometime ago that the best time to transition is yesterday, but the second best time to transition is today. It's normal to feel hesitant to start something life changing, but know that you won't ever feel as ecstatic as the moment you start living your life true to yourself.

It will feel very exhausting having to think about clothing, style, makeup, voice, and so many other things. But there's no rush you have time to learn and fail. Start with small changes and see what works for you.

Something that helped me to learn about my style was going on Pinterest. The app is really good in showing you different styles. Choose things you might like. Get an idea of what you want to try, and if you have a thrift store close by go and get something similar. It's about trial and error. Clothes change the way your body looks. You can make your body more feminine by the shape of the clothes you get. There's not rule of thumb on what is good or bad. It's about what looks good on your body.

If you want to be fancy about it you can learn more about color theory. It's so useful for styling your clothes and also for make up. There's plenty free classes on YouTube about color theory. I like her a lot: https://youtu.be/qSwBxnHZxKA?si=M8TkmDIbNTMLholM

When it comes to make up, if you have some extra cash there are people in Sephora that can teach you the basics in one class. You can improve your skills watching make up content creators. Otherwise you can get cheap and good quality make up from CVS or other stores but you will have to rely on TikTok tutorials. Don't fall for content creators that tell you you need to buy 1000 things to look good. You just need your basics. Also If you have friends that are into make up chances are that they probably have lot's of makeup they don't use and would be happy for you to use it.

Learning about how to do make up is a bit hard and it's also about trial and error. There are different techniques depending on your face shape. A lot of times, as trans women, we feel so insecure about our features and we want to hide many of them but you also need to know about what features you love and highlight them. For example, If you like your eyes you can put more work on eyeshadow so people will be more likely to notice your eyes more than any other parts of your face.

When it comes to the hair, this can take some time. If you also have texture hair it takes time to understand what products do you need and how to use them. What worked for me was watching a lot of videos on TikTok about types of hair and people's routines. No hair routine is the same. You need to adapt and try different things to see what works for yours. Hair I would say is one of the most important things you can learn since it can make you look more masculine or more feminine. It took me half a year to understand my hair. Don't fall in despair if you have texture hair because once you understand how to style it it will look gorgeous.

If you are POC chances are that you will probably compare yourself with other white trans women that may be more petite or have a different shape. It will end up make you feel bad about yourself. Something it took me a long time to understand is that women come in a variety of shapes and sizes and we don't need to present in one single way to look feminine. Look for women with similar a body shape as you and ethnicity.It can help you to understand womanhood and how to present more feminine in ways that are related to you.

You can have many goals about passing. I've come to the point that for me the best thing you can do is to look put together and have a confident attitude. It will make you look hot regardless if you are passing or not.

Lastly, I will say start decentering men from your life. Men should be at the back of your mind. I know it’s very euphoric feeling loved by a man as a woman, but after sometime you will find that a man won't make you feel fulfilled. It's the work you put in yourself, the community you have, and your hobbies. If you have access to therapy do it. Therapy helps you deal with stressors from the past and the present.

Early in your transition you tend to be more vulnerable. Men will take advantage of that. Learn the ways straight men behave. You need to have high standards for what you want and never conform for a mediocre man. You deserve better. Community is more important. Women will pass on the knowledge and help you get up in hard times. Get hobbies. Do the things you always wanted to do.

I follow this YouTuber.and has been life changing in the ways I see relationships and dating:

https://youtu.be/WkZ5OACgETU?si=892jOYMi8cE5yazH

It's a long journey but remember you are about to take a first step and it's very exciting. There will be rough times but you'll blossom into a beautiful woman. I'm still early in my journey but wanted to share my experience. 😊