u/ClearBlue_Grace

Hey everyone. My girlfriend of three years proposed to me on Saturday! I am so excited to marry my best friend and take her last name, but I am feeling kind of anxious about my family situation on my side when it comes to the wedding. I do not want to go into details, but we basically had a messy falling out around four years ago and have not spoken since. I have moved on and embraced my partners family and they have embraced me too.

When we got engaged I had a whopping four people to tell on my side and one of them is a close friend. I've been thinking more about the actual wedding day and realizing I might have basically no one. My mom is in intestinal failure and her kidneys are not well, though I know she wants to be there. My aunt is notoriously flakey, even when it comes to important events. My sister lives an hour away and hardly talks to me, though I know life is busy. My friend will most definitely be there though. I technically have a great grandmother who lives across the country but the chances of her being able to travel and attend is basically zero.

I'm just trying to be realistic about this wedding so I do not get my hopes up for nothing. I will have no bridesmaids, and if my sister declines to be my maid of honor I won't have that either. I have no father to walk me down the isle and a mom who will struggle immensely to be present at an event heavily involving food. I love my partners family but I worry my lack of family and friends will be emphasized at the wedding and her extended family might have questions about it. I was already working through my thoughts and feelings on my family in therapy before the engagement, but they are still very complicated and now I have to face it in a way I never considered.

Can anyone here share their wedding experience with very little family involvement? Did it turn out okay for you? Or was it as painful as I am imaging it will be?

Undiagnosed ocd and homeschooling do not mesh well. I became afraid of leaving the house within a few months, I spent everyday alone focusing on my ocd rituals and obsessions instead of school. I had no friends anymore, no school events to look forward to, no extra curricular activities, no hobbies, just alone and isolated for years. I didn't go to prom. I cannot relate to any aspect of the typical american high school experience. I wasn't even taught how to fucking drive.

Looking back, I very obviously needed mental health help and what did I get instead? Isolation. I was able to completely block out the outside world and indulge in all my obsessions and never face any of my fears. Why the fuck didn't my mom want me to succeed? Why was she okay with isolating me after I tried to off myself at 13? If my kid sliced up both of their arms past the elbow I would rush them to a fucking hospital, not get angry at them and pull them out of school.

Whenever I asked to try therapy or meds she would warn me that having a mental health diagnosis in my medical chart would make doctors not take me seriously. Mom, you're the one not taking me seriously right now! I don't know why it's taken this long for me to finally be mad about it. I am 27 now and I am fucking pissed. I feel like a significant chunk of my life was stolen from me and it's appalling there is so little oversight when it comes to homeschooling of any kind. No one was able to realize I was struggling. I had no guidance councilor to go to. I felt like I had no one. I saw no future for myself for years. Despite struggling with the class material it was like no one noticed. Not one of my teachers reached out to me.

Why the hell do you as a parent not want to help your kid learn how to cope and manage their very apparent illness? Or learn how to drive? Or have literally any life skills at all?? Or end up actually getting their hs diploma??? Yeah. She pulled me out of high school anyway, telling me I'd just get my ged and it would be fine. We never got my ged. I just entered the working world not knowing how to drive, basically having the education of a 14 year old, having basically no social experience and I was still completely undiagnosed. I have felt so much shame about my own life. It literally did not even occur to me how badly my mom fucked up until this past year.

Is there anyone else here who grew up with severe mental health issues that were made even worse by homeschooling? I look back on my life and am just baffled by what I went through.