u/Clear-Success-8735

Hi guys,

I am a contract lot with an environmental consulting company making $40 per hour, my job is flexible, and I get a basic healthcare plan. I volunteer for the county which has 5 federal engines and they do 2 week assignments throughout the summer which I am signed up for to go anytime which pays $28 per hour. I got a job offer to do a seasonal 6 month 10 person module handcrew position but it only pays $20 per hour. with the handcrew, I don’t have benefits. unfortunately. this is my first year on fire and I feel quite drawn to it, but I also feel scared to jump in. i would prefer to keep my job and go on assignment but not sure how often/when since we have enough FFT2 that probably want to go on assignment. I feel so conflicted. On paper, I can have my cake with volunteer fire/assignments and eat it too but I feel conflicted about not jumping all in consider what this season is going to look like. I want to get into the fire ecology side of things. I have 10 years of ecology experience and fire is only getting worse to I would like to get my foot in the door with that. I need some guidance and advice.

Hi y'all (32F here), I've dealt with anxiety my whole life, and since the beginning of the year, it's been so bad. I was originally on 225mg of Velaflaxine and didn't feel relief. Granted, I was terrible at taking it, but I didn't feel a difference. So I went cold turkey, which was terrible, but ever since that (4 months ago), it has been so bad. I recently talked to my doctor about taking something as needed, so she suggested I try Hydroxyzine, which I've been on for a couple of days. I haven't really felt a difference.

Most days, I dread going into work and interacting with my boss; I just want to cry. I try to keep myself as busy as possible with a bunch of things, but it never seems like it's enough. I feel like I'm bad at therapy because I've been in therapy with a great therapist for years now, but its just not working. Everything just feels wrong. I know I have a great group of friends and a great community, but I keep thinking everyone hates me, and I'm the worst. If I'm not worried about my house, it's my job, then my car, then my front yard, then my lawn, then my health. I feel like I have no resilience to deal with stress. I just want to cry all the time, but I am incapable of taking breaks or resting. Im tired of living life like this.