For reference, I came from a highly competitive high school, and almost every extra curricular that involved some kind of physicality was highly regarded in some form or another.
With that being said, you can also probably guess that band was also extremely competitive.
Now that I've graduated and am finally out of the circles and cliques I was exposed to for four years, I've started wondering how toxic that kind of environment was for me at a high school age. The physical tax on my body even now, constant favoritism, belittling and a lack of one on one support from my directors killed it for me when I got into my upperclassman years. The constant "we need to be number one!" made me rude to other people, I began to resent being kind even when I didn't have to because I was gaslighting myself into having a bigger head to ignore the fact that I just wasn't happy, etc etc.
When I did jazz for about three out of the four years, I finally got into the highest ensemble, and instead of celebrating it, I felt like I didn't deserve it. I felt like I whined my way in there when really, I knew how to play. I think a lot of my confidence felt squandered. When we started playing, it felt like freshman year again where I just didn't feel good enough. I never felt like I was on the level of others despite wanting to.
I'm a freshman in college now, joined band for the scholarship opportunities and potential friendships, and because we're smaller, I realized for the first time in years just how much skills I had learned and didn't even realize. Many people asking for help or assistance daunted me.
Don't get me wrong; I'm grateful for my time in band. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I made a lot of friends, got to go a lot of places, and did things that I would've never gotten to do otherwise. I will never discourage someone going into high school from doing it.
If anyone has had a similar experience, let me know.