I'm scared of growing up and it all leads back to the thought of dying
I'm going to high school this year and for the past two months all I have and can be able to think about is aging and dying. My parents are in their 40s and I know that's not old but the thought of them not being there for me and one day me being all alone makes me so scared. Even while writing this I can't stop but cry thinking about it. Growing up feels so terrifying, I want to stay young forever I don't want to get old I don't want to live in a world without my parents and I don't think I'll ever be able to. I get days of where I get to leave school early and just this week my mom was talking about how she doesn't want me to grow up and she just wants me to stay young forever because on the days I get off early we do stuff like go to lunch and have fun. These past two months have gone by in a blink and now that I have been thinking about dying time seems to fly by I want time to go ass slow as possible and I just want to go back in time 3 months and make myself never have the thought of dying. I'm growing up and I can't do anything about it and I'm so scared to be in high school. This all ties back to the fact that I'm scared of dying and scared that one day no one will remember me or anybody I know and I'll be forgotten like everybody else that has lived. My parents do so much for me and I love them so much that I never want to leave them and never want them to leave me. I used to be so excited to grow up and go to collage and now I want to just stay young and when I inevitably finish high school I'm not going to collage just because I want to spend time with my family. I can't stop these thought of the future even though I know it won't happen for a long time. I want to still be a kid I want my mom to pick me up from school and go to lunch I want to go home and not worry about high school I want to live without the fear of aging or dying I want to go back in time and live the life I've lived forever and ever. I have no one to talk to this about because I do t want to dump all this in the people I know and even the people on Reddit but I wouldn't be doing this is it wasent my last resort to help me out if this please if anyone have gone through this help me I can't have fun anymore I'm not the same person I was three months ago and its all because I think to much I with I could go back to 2020 when I was simple minded and had no care in the world. I want to get the most out of the time I have on earth but I can't do that always fearing death. Thinking about what happens after you die overwhelms me so much and like I said earlier a world without my family is never a world that I will be able to live in. So what I'm asking for is for help to get through this and how other people have gotten through this.