Since my last episode in 2023 I lost all my will to live properly. It's just a constant struggle to overcome my inhibitions to do stuff like brushing my teeth, showering or preparing food. I am afraid to go to work as I feel too stupid for the tasks the boss demands of me. And it's already a workplace for disabled people. Now my counselor wants to send me to a workplace with even lower expectations where you sort stuff as if you're mentally impaired. I am, at some level, mentally impaired, but I try to convince myself that I'm not stupid. People just don't believe in the work abilities of anybody affected by schizophrenia.
I could do a medical rehabilitation but I would have to get up very early in the mornings when I actually have very little strength to get up. What are you doing against your motivational anhedonia? I was thinking of switching to Vraylar, because it is said to help with negative symptoms. But opinions on that medicine vary a lot. I really just don't want to be on the scrap heap work wise. And I want to find my joy again, even tough the doctors say it might have just been manic feelings, not joy. It feels just so unjust. I also lost a lot of friends in the process, because I'm too lethargic to keep contact.