Hello -
I often experience deep emotional and personal emptiness. I call it the void. I look inward and there's nothing there most of the time. I do feel things sometimes, but I often have trouble remember what that feeling was like later. Like recently I got into taking care of my yard after years of neglect. I remember I enjoyed the feeling of being outside, the smell of fresh cut grass, I had my tunes in and felt satisfaction after. But now I'm like...I don't want to do that anymore. Except I know if I did it I would enjoy it. But I cant' like, remember what the feeling was like, just the sensations. If that makes sense. I don't know if it's self sabotage, depression, or if it's just that I can't remember the feeling very well and so it doesn't feel like it was "real" to me. I pretty much can't remember any feelings. If I try to summon a time when I felt a feeling, there's nothing there. Is this consistent with anyone's experiences of alexithymia or with the diagnosis more generally? I'm just learning about it, so maybe I'm in the wrong place.