u/Circuit_Sage_4125

I completed my 12th boards and my parents made me stay at home and just focus on studying. I just obeyed them. I woke up at 3 and slept late at 11 and studied till then. I went to school every day, not missing a single day. I just utilized all my days, really focused on studying for board exams. That’s all I could put in.

My results came out and I focused on that time very well. After board exams were done, I didn’t mind studying for entrance exams because I was so done and fed up. So I just threw all my books and started enjoying life. But I never went outside my house, I never hung out with friends because I felt I was used to staying at home because of 12th. My parents are strict, so I never left my house. I just enjoyed at my house, watching movies and stuff.

My board results came out yesterday. I was so scared because I was afraid my cousin might score more than me. Not because I don’t want him to score or jealousy, but I know my parents are gonna scold me hard if he gets more than me. I was actually scared. I got 143, and I was disappointed. I could have got more, but that's what I got.

But my cousin actually scored way more than me, so my parents were like, why didn’t you work harder? Why couldn’t you score more marks than this? That made me feel really bad. The same thing happened with entrance results as well. I got 32 percentile and my cousin got 75, and again they asked why I couldn’t do better. They were constantly comparing me with my cousin.

Honestly, nowadays I don’t feel like doing anything at home. I just idle. I sit down, think about stuff, and don’t do anything like playing games or anything. I don’t enjoy at all. I just sit at home idling because I don’t have anything to study right now. I don’t know how to deal with this. Does anyone else feel like their efforts don’t matter because of constant comparisons?

I’m Tamil and honestly I never cared much about Hindi in school. I had it till like 8th grade but I only studied enough to somehow pass. After that I completely forgot most of it.

But now that I’m older, I’m realizing how much of Indian online culture is basically centered around Hindi. YouTube, Instagram, memes, random conversations… everywhere I go, people are speaking Hindi.

And whenever I say I can’t really speak Hindi properly, people immediately go “Bro what? Are you even Indian?”

I know most people probably mean it as a joke, but hearing it again and again genuinely makes you feel weird after a point.

Sometimes I actually feel disconnected from my own country because of it. Like everyone around you is able to connect through one language and you’re just there feeling left out. It’s hard to explain properly, but it almost makes you feel like you’re “less Indian” in some way even though you were born and raised here like everyone else.

And the thing is, India isn’t even a one-language country. There are so many languages and cultures here. But online especially, if you don’t know Hindi, sometimes it feels like you’re automatically outside the conversation.

I’m not against Hindi or anything. Honestly I even wish I learned it properly because it would make connecting with people way easier. I just don’t like this feeling of being made to feel separate in your own country because of language.

Idk if I’m overthinking this, but do other South Indians or non-Hindi speakers feel this too sometimes?

I feel like a disgrace after my boards and entrance exams

Anyone else feel left out in India for not knowing Hindi?