Am I overthinking this, or has "anti-performative" culture become the new performance?
I’m currently in the middle of wedding planning, and I’ve had a lot of realizations that I want to share.
I’ve always loved the "theatrics" of a traditional wedding. I want the choreographed first dance, the silly games, the bouquet toss, and all the "gimmicks" that make a wedding feel like a big, classic celebration. Honestly? I also just want to be the center of attention. It’s my wedding day—I want the spotlight, the big dress, and the grand moments where everyone is looking at us. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be the main character for one day.
But lately, I feel this immense pressure from my peer group and social media to be "chill" and "authentic." There’s this sentiment that traditional weddings are "cringe" or "performative." It feels like the "cool" thing to do now is to have a wedding that’s so low-key it’s barely a wedding—no program, no tradition, just "vibes."
I’ve realized that by trying to strip away the things I love just to avoid looking performative, I am actually performing.
I’m curating a version of myself that looks like I don’t care, just so my guests/peers won’t judge me. It feels like we’ve reached a point where "trying not to be performative" has become its own performance.
If I skip the grand entrance because I’m worried about how "extra" it looks to others, isn't that just as staged as doing it?
Has anyone else felt this? How do you lean into the "performance" of a wedding and own the spotlight without feeling like you're losing your authenticity?