I am a genetic dead end. I always had a fearful personality of a pussy. I was physically bullied when i was a kid by my peers. Always skinny, weak and had a feminine looking face. Im your typical beta male soyboy. All that stress and bad diet in my childhood years made me develop a crooked spine with forward head posture and severe anterior pelvic tilt. Sleeping on my stomach made it worse, but I was too afraid of the dark to sleep in any other position, i had to be face in pillow, ass up to avoid the "danger" in the dark. Now in my young adult years, all that left consequences. I have low back pain when i walk for too long, i cant breathe right due to my recessed jaw, i have severe instant gratification dopamine addiction. Never had any girl interested in me and so on, typical stuff.
For the last 4 years i decided to make a change. Fueled by the manosphere red pill wave in 2022 and finding idols in personas like Zyzz as well as some fictional characters, i decided to become a man. But inevitably after some time of "self-improving," I fall back to bad habits and a negative outlook on life. That cycle repeated for the past 4 years. I havent really made any progress. The feeling that i lived for too long and theres nothing more to look forward to in life always comes back, despite me being only 21. I hate myself because im not what a man is supposed to be. Due to overthinking and chronic pain im failing in college.
More and more im having this vision. The vision of me putting in inhuman effort to upgrade from a total loser to an average man. I know ill never reach the level of Chads. The epitomes of masculinity and genetic lottery, but what if i can go toe to toe with my average peers in every aspect of human endeavor? What if i can change my destiny despite all ods.
Some of us are destined to be losers, to be the impotent bottom of society, not even worthy the title of a "man". Blackpill philosophy says theres nothing you can do, but if you still have a spark of redpill in you, what if we can defeat genetics and truly transition?