Questioning Everything...
Hi everyone!
Hopefully you are all having a good one!
Here is my story.
I have asked the question about my doubts before. Now, they have become stronger.
I converted from EO to Roman Catholicism a year ago. Was around the Catholic Church for a long time because there was no Orthodox community around the area I live and I had inquiries. After putting the intellectual effort I came to Catholicism. Beautiful TLM, which I do not visit as often as I wanted to , chants, scholastic theology gave me some consolation and clarity. Most of the time I had to "deal" with Novus Ordo Mass and liturgical abuses I observed in my local diocese parish. I was called Judas in a joking manner( which I took seriously), I was scolded for loving and attending the TLM at SSPX and frowned upon when went to FSSP. Anyways, this is just some background info.
When I had an injury( a serious sprain), all of a sudden my hand reached my old Molitvoslov and a prayer rope. I prayed simple. In Old Slavonic and Romanian. I started reading "Orthodox Church" by Ware, and I came to conclusion that there were no serious grounds for me to convert to Catholicism except for political ones. I still discern. A lot. As for Catholicism, I feel like I converted for a couple of reasons: availability of sacraments( Eucharist and Confession are big for me), and I saw my friend who Catholic faith transformed from a complete mess to a respected man of faith( it was my image of him at that time. Things turned out to be not the way I expected, but this is a different story). Theologically? The Catholic theology makes sense to me except for papal supremacy( primacy? I can buy that, no problem). I read Vatican I document on this matter and reluctantly accepted it, yet not fully processed.
In one of my dreams( and I can feel the heat coming from the comment session regarding dream interpretations) I saw an Orthodox priest who was our family friend back in Eastern Europe. I saw him at a parish he ran. Then I saw him at the big table with many people. He saw me. He came up to me and said,"Why are you weeping? Here, take this(he handed me my black prayer rope)! Let us pray together son, eh?"
I woke up. In tears. I quickly searched for him on all social media. And I learned he died in 2024. I was devastated...And I started discerning a lot more. Still attend the Catholic parish. But becoming more disengaged( Yeah, for TLM/Orthodox services I need to take a very long trip).
And here I am. Writing this post. Not really knowing what to do. If you guys can share anything that would help in my discernment...
Doamne, Iisuse Hristoase, Fiul lui Dumnezeu, miluieşte-mă pe mine, păcătosul!
Please, brothers and sisters in Christ, pray for me!
God bless everyone!
Thanks!