u/ChickoryChik

Even though we have yet to meet

Six years of friendship

Through the pandemic hell

Your falls

Losing my grandmother

Almost losing my husband and father

And my mother's cruelty

Your being so frail

And losing your only sister

Not that long ago

Now you are grieving

I love you Pikachu

If I can get better

Strong enough

I sometimes think

We should be wherever you are

Hardly a day goes by

That we don't speak

You are more than my best friend

You are my soul sister

I would rather be helping you

At least I matter to you

And you know you matter to me

I really am helpless to help here

It is a sinking ship

A train bound to crash

I am not alone

My husband is here

But even he isn't ok here

If in a year, you move up here

Our home state

I don't think I could move away

I wanted to be there for you

But there was no time to meet up

And tonight I will be here

As always

And I will or you will call

You are the only human being

I have true and deep

Communication with

I try not to think about the future

About mortality

I want to appreciate the present

And not live in constant fear

Of losing someone I love

Please keep fighting

Life is damn cruel

Been crying tonight

No one knows

Not even you

Between me and God

I got your back

My little spunky Irish sprite

This summer we will be making a beeline south

Love you to the moon and back

Every time I take a shot

I end up with another hole

No kevlar vest can protect me

From how getting shot down takes its toll

I continue on to do my best

Being hopeful and cheerful in my trying

But after a lifetime of sincere effort

I think my spark is dying

Maybe it is because I have been too vulnerable

Maybe somewhere there is a disconnect

It could just be I am not good enough

To be worthy of more respect

I guess I am valued by some

Who don't just shut me out and down

It is too bad I am on the outside

And I cannot go and turn things back around

Every hole leaves a bit more hurt

Even if I forget where they were from

Years of feeling like I am too different

Kept me isolated, depressed, and numb

I am really giving it my all

And I cannot help that I care

For others even if I am a ghost

More holes I cannot bear

No matter what I do no know

Or how badly some things hurt

What I believe and what I truly know

Give this journey its unfathomable worth

I have thought long and hard and analyzed

Everything that has come into my sight

After the darkness splintered and broke apart

By something born of holy light

I have cried more than I ever have

Because of fear and overwhelming pain

Even caring for others I hardly know

When I found my heart again

And now I am even stronger

And my tears come once in awhile

I lean on God and fight every day

But now I sing again and smile

I have come to care very much for others

Who are not part of my family

Even where I may be a ghost

They mean the world to me

Perhaps this may make little sense

In giving and wanting to learn

To love selflessly and show gratitude

For blessings I did not earn

A precious few, but more than 3

Friends or just ones I now know

I hold in my heart and steady prayer

While I heal, and learn, and grow.

Will I ever have a chance

To tell the whole story

Before true dusk hits

When the road disappears into the desert sands

When my resolve fades into the tides

Of Superior into its cold icy depths

It has not been hidden completely

Eyes closed see shadows and dark

Cyclones with words

Are hard to hold

To believe

Separating the static from the light

Was not a task that was to be born

Out of a flood and pain and sorrow

That was an unepected cloudburst

And not intended to fall

Beyond my inner storm

Puzzles missing pieces

Cannot be fully seen

If the most crucial parts

Are left out

I need to slow down

In my daily walk

To find the next best step

If I believe, truly believe

Does it even matter

I am attempting to learn

To discern

If I am beong faithful to my Creator

My Higher Power

What can I do

Harm can come with intent

Harm can come from indifference

Silence and the unbridled voice

Compete, withdraw, battle

Balance is the better way

Willingness to try to see

To let the scales fall from the eyes

Is an act of selflessness

But cannot be expected

Because expecting too

Can be a selfiish thing

The man I love believes me

A heart with a childllike innocence

Or even still open to wonder

Are very difficult to discover

In one's own self

But even hearts still partly shrouded in stone

Can find faith and hope

The stone can be chipped away

Made new to shine more brilliantly

Than any earthly stone

God needs no pedestal

And in every person I believe in

Care about

Have hope for

For every blessing

I can see the Divine

When it truly makes ittself kmowm

What is right here all feels so insurmountable

Some iI want to turn away from

Because it is the toxic waste

Of a lifetime left behind

Amd clamoring

And the tug of war

Harpy Screaming

Blaming

Controlling

Farmer falling

Cannot take back control

His power

Sorry Dad

Even you Mom

But I am so tired

I don't really know what to do

About your chaos

Got my own hiills to crawl up

And climb

Love you

I am sorry

I am no magician

And magic isn't real

Do you know

What it would take

For me

To crawl out of the deepest darkest abyss

Alone

At the one of the worst times in my life

After years of suffering

And living back in the worst place

A Miracle

Something stronger and more powerful

Than human strength

Something so amazing

That the mind, heart, spirit, and soul

Could awaken

And it did happen

Fighting back and fighting for my life

Wanting to recover and heal

Finding God in the midst of pain and sorrow

And making more progress

Wanting to do something good

Caring more than I ever have

That is sanity

On the wings of faith

That is a miracle

And in that miracle

There have been people

On this road

That were a part of it all

Without even knowing it