Panicking and needing advice
TW: infertility, PTSD, IVF, miscarriage
We chose to TFMR our daughter, Joana, in October 2024 due to T21.
We have unexplained infertility and she was an IVF baby. We had lost our first baby at 12 weeks in a missed miscarriage that same year in March.
I went through delivery and labour, we saw her and it broke us even if we didn't regret it.
My sister was pregnant at that time, she lives far and we haven't been close for some time, it's really complicated between us. I haven't seen her in almost 3 years.
I wasn't involved in her pregnancy at all and we barely ever text.
I was so traumatised by our losses, the infertility, the failed transfers and medical procedures that I developed PTSD to the point I only saw a picture of her daughter for the first time recently...
I know how bad it sounds. I've been trying to work on it but therapy hasn't been really useful.
But tomorrow we have a big family event I simply have to go to, I want to go, it's my grandma's 80th birthday.
My sister is going to be there and more importantly, her 16 months old daughter.
Four days, the entire family sharing a house. In another country, a long drive away from home.
I'm having a panic attack here.
How am I supposed to react when we arrive there? How am I supposed to say "hi" to her? Or even behave in general?
How am I going to survive seeing my entire family around her, knowing I chose to terminate the only chance I had to have a living child?