u/Cherryade123

I was in a relationship with one of my oldest friends. He was in a difficult marriage and is disabled and I had my own issues.

Eleven years ago, I found out that my daughter, then 13 had been abused by my father. Obviously a lot has happened but the upshot was that I dealt with all the fallout myself and protected both of my children and have brought them up into two very decent and happy adults.

I neglected my own needs and didn’t want or care for a relationship and I lived my life accordingly. I knew I was mentally unstable but I kept everything together and had complete control of my life.

When I met my partner and began a relationship with him, I hadn’t previously seen him for 40 years and I didn’t know that he had been in an accident and had become a paraplegic. I was sad that no one bothered to tell me and he had become a reclusive alcoholic with no love in his life. We became happy together but I was so wobbly with everything and suddenly realised that I was finding it hard to conduct a normal relationship until one day he just ended it and said that we weren’t making each other happy.

Within a few days of this, I had what I can only describe as a completely mental episode. I spent a day texting vile abuse to him followed by being sad and begging for forgiveness and then anger again. It was like I’d lost my mind.

It’s been awful and I still feel terrible now. I’m still not in a good place and I have contacted the doctor with a request for counselling.

I’ve ruined the best relationship with a lovely man and the person I’ve become is not me at all or has never surfaced before.

I am honestly lost and devastated and can’t even begin to look forward in anyway.

I know this is a resurface of CPTSD and I haven’t had any sort of therapy for years and everything has built up.

I just want my lovely partner back

Or should I be looking at a different option?

We are in England.

Myself and my neighbour are leaseholders to a housing association.

Every year without fail, we get service charge estimates and actuals with mistakes in them. Sometimes they are absolutely monumental, like a 17,000% overcharge or a bill of £8,800 which should have been £2,500 and other property invoices had been added and it was miscalculated.

I intend to deal with the general problem somehow. I’m weighing up my options.

My other issue here is my neighbour. She’s 87 and doesn’t understand service charges and usually hands over to me with permission for each case at the time.

I usually flag up that it’s wrong for both of us and ask for an investigation.

I don’t hear from anyone unless it’s about the investigation.

My neighbour has had a number of calls despite the account being flagged and they are always related to trying to make her pay the money and if she doesn’t she will have to go to court and might get a CCJ. She gets very distressed and feels pressured to pay because she is scared. At one point her bank froze her account because she was trying to give our HA £4k which she didn’t owe and she was crying and the operator pressured her and they took the money despite the account being flagged.

I got the money back for her.

The current situation of which I’m waiting for a response to my complaint (it’s currently late) has been £100 per month overcharge. I’ve had confirmation that it was calculated incorrectly but despite that, someone has still contacted my neighbour and said that she should just pay it and she ‘might’ get the money back later.

I’ve asked to speak to someone regarding safeguarding but am getting fobbed off because it’s not my account but I’m not asking about personal details etc (her account is identical to mine anyway), I just want to report/question why a vulnerable elderly person is being harassed for money despite the account being flagged but I’m not getting anywhere. No one has called me and the one person who I have spoken to in customer service has minimised the issue and said that they haven’t done anything wrong and she is an expert in safeguarding and knows the law.

What should I be doing here to highlight this issue?