Norwegian Kevin Flaattevåg discovered football today, he's been at it for several hours. Turns out he's a natural at only 7 months making Haaland look like van der Vaart in terms of immense pace. Most importantly he's fit as a fiddle and would keep running even with a pulled muscle I'm sure.
Strengths: Pace, agility, strength, ball control, short pass, high press, loyalty, vision, stamina, penalties.
Weaknesses: Headers, recklessness in high press leaving defense exposed, attention span and discipline (might be prone to crowd having toys and might lay down and refuse everything for no reason), constantly has toilet paper tube stuck in his teeth, blatter control.
He's icy cool under pressure from a nervous crowd unless there's a man on a bike or a fox present. We had a long talk and it seems relegation doesn't scare him the slightest. I see him a player who plays all over.
I had a border collie "spot", we played for years, he'd ruin the football within minutes and was a "headers only" type of player, nothing like this which proves football is not about academia, it's a special skill.
With the rules in mind I wanna say I'm sober and stand by everything in this post given our sorry squad. Also humor is important at times like these.
I'm sure Lange has done worse, thoughts?