I miss you. I feel so alone in what I felt, I felt that we connected as people whether platonically or as more, now I’m left feeling like I was alone and delusional in that.
It hurts that you knowingly hurt me, and I’ve probably not crossed your mind even once, you dropped a b*mb in my life and within a day you’ll have felt nothing towards that, no consequences, no feeling towards it, no feelings yourself and moved straight onto the next one and never thought about me again, it’s been 3 months and not a day has gone by where I haven’t thought or felt the upset.
We did connect, and I’m confident in the fact you won’t have experienced a connection like it before or probably again, and for that I was too much for you. Not because we couldn’t have been good together, weren’t well matched, not because we didn’t spark, or because you didn’t like me.. but because you don’t have the bandwidth to process what you experienced or felt with me.
The world is so strange when I think about it, with all the multifaceted issue that people face as individuals; how riddled peoples minds and lives are.. if soul connections are real, soulmates, twin flames etc.. then that means there’s a heap of people in this world matched with who they believe to be the right ones, based on who they THINK they are or who they’re TRYING to be.. if people are unaware of their behaviour, unaware of the fact they’re running from themselves, the fact they have a low sense of self.. then who they believe to be right or feel right with, is just as wrong as who they believe themselves to be, leaving their true soul connections floating about waiting for their people to catch up with them.
You’re running from yourself, nothing about you is real, but I didn’t like you for who you portrayed yourself to be, I saw through your mask and I liked the person I saw underneath, no matter how flawed or ‘undesirable’.. and no matter how much you run from yourself, presumably because you see your parents in yourself, the real you is the product of your parents, but as flawed and damaging as your home life or parents have been, there’s always good in anything we look at, I like who you are authentically, I liked the outspoken fiery side of you that was shown in glimmers, the version of you.. you clearly don’t feel you can blossom and be around other people, that you don’t feel you can open up so quickly or freely around other women (you aren’t meek like you try to look, or like the women you go for as though that’s a match, as though these women when it gets down to it.. please you or suit your life long term) no matter how much we run from ourselves, change how we speak, our clothing, hairstyle, friends, city, continent our true self will always catch up with us, we are who we are, accepting ourselves is the only way to grow.. not creating a new person we simply are not and never will be. You can’t stop being you, and who you are will always need to exist eventually, going for people you have to hide from to appeal to, aren’t the right ones.. don’t you see?
I miss you, a piece of my soul feels disconnected like you’ve taken it with you.
I hope you think of me one day when you learn to accept yourself, and in accepting yourself you’ll accept me, our connection and understand why against odds and your rules you wanted me in your life, I was the exception to the rule for you, you’ll understand why and realise I was a true soul connection for you.
The hurt you’ve made me feel, if you were to approach me, I could never forgive you, just like I’ve never forgiven any other man who’s realised my worth too late.
From H to W