Grieving someone
I have no one talk to about this who understands, but I’m sure someone here can relate.
My oldest brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia a year ago and since then, so much has happened. He believes my whole family is going to kill him, he got fired from his job, he left to a random state and now we don’t know where he is because he won’t talk to any of us. He reported fake cases to the police and they obviously were dropped once medical records were received.
Grieving someone who is alive is one of the most heartbreaking things i have ever experienced. I feel lost. My brother is a good kid, he has a bachelors degree, has almost every certificate regarding diving, and so much more. My family is loving and has always been there for him but now he doesn’t trust us, i don’t where he is and every night i feel like im relentlessly searching for clues. I’m scared he’s going to end up homeless or dead, i know that’s negative but he’s in a bad psychosis.
I just needed to rant. I love my brother and i just want the best for him but i fear i have lost him all together. I’ve been feeling displacement over this whole situation, i just catch myself feeling every emotion of sadness and spacing. I know i can’t change the outcome or the course of direction if he decides he doesn’t want us in our lives.
This illness, it has broken me because it has taken away someone i love so dearly.