40 yr old Husband is suffering another flare up UC
Hi guys
My husband and I have been married for 9yrs.
We have an 8 yr old and a recent baby 9month old. We actually had a big age gap between our children because initially we found it challenging managing life and one child with my husband being ill with UC. He was in remission for 2 yrs before I got pregnant the 2nd time, he ended up in a flare mid pregnancy so I felt very lonely as I had to manage work household child and caring for him. When I went on maternity after giving birth recovery for myself was really difficult because my husband was so weak he couldn’t really help. Even whilst giving birth he wasn’t very present because he was so weak.
He was given 4months paternity leave with his job (amazing i know!) but unfortunately he was suffering with a flare the whole time so he wasn’t able to help or enjoy time with our baby sadly. It breaks my heart seeing him deteriorate and suffer, but outwardly I’m a very strong person who just gets on with what needs to be done.
He’s now on filgotinib which worked for a few months but he’s now in another flare. He’s been through many meds and eventually they stop working. Deep down I desperately want him to just get a stoma so we can move on with life and enjoy our time with our children as they grow.
He has said previously he doesn’t want a stoma but I feel so fed up. Obviously I would never pressure him into getting a stoma and I’ve never expressed he should just give up and get a stoma , his mum is also dead against the idea of surgery (she also has health issues she doesn’t even know he takes medicines lol, she tells him to go to the gym when he’s suffering a flare up and is just too weak 💀).
Financially I’m worried as he’s about to start a new job and I’ve gone part time to care for our baby. I feel by getting a stoma we can just move on and stop worrying about the next flare. I’d love to be able to take my children abroad but we can’t go due to his health. I love my husband and hate seeing him suffer. Am I being selfish? How can I support him? Am I being reasonable? His last consultation, the doc told him he probably has 2 more drugs left to try before surgery option anyway.