u/Chackochi

I have been wanting to post a critical review of my current org in glassdoor (which I am leaving in a month or so). I was thinking that I will change the designation and location when I am posting the review so that it doesnt trace back to me. Its a company with more than 3000 people worldwide so it would be hard to trace with the information given in my review. But, just curious, is there any other way using which the companies can track who wrote the review? Does glassdoor share data with companies? Anybody has any past experience with this?

I was 18, she was 18. We studied together in the same school for 12 years. We fought a lot in our 11th and 12th. We fought even more through Orkut after our 12th. Somewhere during those fights, I realised that I have always loved her. And when she realised it too, the world turned upside down for me. Nobody had ever wanted me like that before. I was not exactly a handsome kid growing up. She was my first love.

I didnt even have the guts to call her on phone. She called me first. Those were the days of 2000 free sms by bsnl and docomo. Literally spent 2000 messages on her. Every second was waiting for her message. Every night was waiting for her call. Every song was for her. It was teenage love at its purest form. I imagined a whole life together with her. It was just perfect.

After almost an year, one wretched day, because of a stupid mistake of mine ( I boasted about our relationship to a mutual friend and she didnt like it)- she just left. Blocked me. Stopped seeing me. Everything- overnight. Stopped. I apologised and apologised but it never went anywhere.

She knew everything about me. Everything. And poof- it stopped like that. I was suicidal. I was angry. Sad. Depressed.

Life slowly moved on. I had more relationships, breakups, finished college, went for higher studies, got a job, got settled. Parents started looking for an alliance for me. Even then, almost 12 years after our breakup - I wanted her back. Somehow she left a scar in me. It was unfinished business. I still wanted to get back in touch. Didnt work out.

Eventually I got married to my lovely wife. Life is going good, touchwood. Everything is good, except that one small need to tell her that she is the most beautiful thing that I never had. I dont regret my life now, dont mistake me. Its just that first love is always special in a weird way.

When a relationship finishes overnight instead of a slow fade, the nervous system gets stuck in a loop looking for a closing bracket. It was almost as if she died in an accident and I couldnt ever say goodbye. When she left, she just didnt leave a relationship- she left my self esteem with her.

There is a quiet dusty corner of my heart dedicated to that 18 year old scar. In psychology, the Zeigarnik Effect suggests we remember uncompleted tasks better than completed ones. My brain hasnnt filed memory away because it feels like a book with the last chapter ripped out.