Hi everyone. I have a partner whom I love with all my heart. (We are both women). We have been together for almost three years and this past year has been really hard. I was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer and went through two surgeries (one was major surgery) and chemotherapy. My partner who has autism and ADHD (as do most with PMDD) is going through perimenopause and is not taking any medication.
I need some advice, please. I feel like I am losing the love of my life right in front of my eyes. PMDD has been showing its evil ways since the fourth month into our relationship ship. I was able to figure it out by tracking her cycles and boom… it was very predictable. 10 days before her period she was absolutely miserable, couldn’t stand me, rethinking our entire relationship ship, doesn’t want to be touched or say I love you, full of rage and anger toward everyone including herself. The night before she started to bleed she would get noticeably back to herself a bit and then the next day bleed and begin to get back to her loving self again. It was very hurtful at times but I will always support her.
The problem now is that we’ve had a tough year, we are both burnt out and looking forward to a good summer but she’s still very stressed, miserable, and unpredictably so very mean- up and down- I can’t predict it anymore. She had her period three times in one month and then didn’t get it again for over 70 days.
This last weekend was tough. We got into a big fight while out on Saturday and it smoothed over as the day went. She was saying hurtful things and truly felt like she wanted to “be on her own” and then once we were at dinner, she apologized. The next day we had a great day relaxing at home and she fell asleep on the couch with me. When she woke up to go to bed she was in a horrible mood! This happens often when she first wakes up but this one caught me off guard since I had just woken up as well. She immediately got annoyed with me for something, made a rude comment and so I got annoyed as well. We both went to bed and read our books for a bit in silence and then when we were about to go to bed I asked her a question and got attitude with her answer. I asked “what is the matter with you right now” and…. She flipped. She hates that question and she said she was just silently reading a book and nothing was wrong until I opened my mouth. She proceeded to say hurtful things and I started to cry and went and slept in the couch.
She didn’t talk to me all day and when she got home she just wanted to be alone. We are kind of speaking here and there but it’s not great.
I know I need to stick up for myself but I just want things to be ok. I know she has multiple mental health issues and for that I feel bad but I also know that she can’t just keep yelling mean things at me every time. She need to learn how to regulate her emotions and not direct them at me in her hear OR out loud.
What do I do? How do I approach any of this? I feel so confused and at the same time like I’m walking on eggshells. I love her so much but it hurts when she says these things.