as it says in the title. i reached out because the fact that he unblocked me made all of my progress getting over it melt down the drain, i was feeling better before that. i waited a few weeks to see if my emotions would calm down before reaching out, but they didnt, so i told him 'if youre not willing to have a conversation about closure, then please keep me blocked' and he did block me. i argued with him and lashed out at the end of our relationship because he massively betrayed my trust by not communicating about something extremely important, and he basically refused to have a conversation after, even though i attempted to apologise for it. so many questions were left unanswered and he never took accountability for how he kept pushing me away and how he wrecked my trust. we then went no contact and i tried to finally give him the space he wanted, but he blocked me everywhere anyway after i reached out the first time.
its been about a month since he unblocked me and a couple weeks since i asked him to block me again, and i just cant fucking cope anymore. i am in so much pain emotionally. i miss him and i hate him and im so tired of pretending im okay. the fact that he could have just unblocked me and shot me a message at any time makes my blood boil. i have tried everything i can to feel a sense of closure, ive deleted every photo i have of him, hidden the gifts he gave me, tried to get every reminder out of my life. i work on myself and my hobbies every day, im writing a book and growing vegetables and reading poetry out in front of strangers, i talk to my friends and push myself out of my comfort zone and just try to heal. none of it has worked. i feel so stuck and tired and i dont know how to get out of it. everything feels hopeless, and i dont want it to be this way. i wish he didnt unblock me at all.