u/CeoLyon

I have this as a wallpaper on my phone. I don't know about everyone else here, but my primary reason for going back to gambling was always about money. I know there are some gamblers who legit do not care about profit, so I wanted to share what has been helpful for me as a gambler who was obsessively focused on trying to multiply what I put at stake. Every time I open my phone, I am confronted with a statement, in bold, colorful letters, that says, "DON'T THINK ABOUT MONEY".

As many of you may relate, gambling absolutely destroyed the healthy relationship I had with money, so much to the point that thinking about money at all became obsessing about how I could mess around with it in any and all casino style games. I made some sports bets early on in my gambling career, but I never got as manically attached to sports betting as I did to casino games. The instant gratification and short-lived, repetitive anticipation is what did me in.

I've realized my biggest trigger, more than anything else, is thinking about money in general—at all.

The second I start obsessing over what I have is when I am in danger, because gambling became the disheveled accountant in my mind, fumbling pages, rummaging through scattered ledgers, scribbling frantic notes, trying to keep up with the chaos while it was the one initiating and perpetuating it in the first place.

I feel at peace every time I read, "DON'T THINK ABOUT MONEY". It stops me from going to that mental space which has been added to my mind by this addiction and which is incredibly destructive and wrought with worry and inadequacy—and on the flip side with arrogant pride and false affirmation. A coin of sin getting endlessly flipped.

I don't flip that coin anymore, and I'm looking forward to all the positive changes that will undoubtedly take form in my life with this demonic monkey off my back! Happy Monday, folks.

Some site gave me 120 SC to mess around with. I would've been better off ignoring it, but I decided I would just throw it out there like I don't even care about it. Turns out I'm thinking about gambling even more today. Yes, I placed a wager, but I didn't deposit and that's a world of difference for me. All the damage comes from putting your own money in, naturally.

I am finding it only slightly difficult to not want to actually deposit now. It's funny that this is exactly how the "free" concept works. Immediately I was reengaged and felt that hollow sensation as soon as the money did not return to my balance. As much as I told myself I didn't care about the free sweeps coins and was just going to treat them as such, another switch went off.

I'm officially 30 now and I will not be going back. I will not make another deposit ever again and I will do what I did for all the years leading up to when this began and mutated my thoughts and ideas of how to "shcheme" (Ifyaknowyaknow)...

Someone left their phone on my school bus today. I took a bunch of high schoolers to a coliseum from some "Seniors Signing" event. When I found the phone, the lock screen read, "Remember the promise you made with God and to carry His presence throughout your day." I'll take that as a coincidence.

On Day Ten, I'm simply wondering how I'm going to keep myself from reclaiming that money the only way it wants to be reclaimed...

It doesn't even matter if I got it back from something else. For real, if someone was like, "here's your losses back and you can't gamble again", that wouldn't even do the trick.

It's not even about having the money back, it's about continuing the addiction. Never thought I'd realize that and it makes any subsequent attempt from here on out an absolutely warranted failure.

I need three people to run through the rest of this first heist with me. I've only gotten in with a group twice over a week only to have a troll on my team blow up the bus both times.