I have been struggling with RJ as long as I knew myself. I did therapy (not because of RJ but we discussed it very much). I have ROCD and couldn't manage it so I never actually had a real relationship with anyone but that changed 4 months ago when I met my girlfriend. She is perfect for me and I had no issue regarding RJ because I told her that I don't wanna know any details about her past life when we first met. Also I have been using sertraline 50 mg and It actually solved everything regarding my ROCD but I was starting to feel numb and having side effects involving my libido. Anyways I talked to my psychiatrist about it and he said I should try tapering my dose to 25 mg (which made sense because I was feeling very good for a long time and want to get rid of the side effects). But worse thing happened to me, my nightmare. I met one of her friends and he was really odd and tbh I didn't really liked him, she previously told me that if I had anyone in my life that I had a previous thing with and I said no because I don't and she said no as well. Fast forward 4 days ago she told me that she needed to tell me something and told me that they had something before that wasn't really worth mentioning, which kinda wrecked me because I really didn't like him and also wasn't expecting from her. Can't get the images of my head and can't function and eat anything for the past 4 days. I played it cool because I really love her and don't want to ruin anything with her but that was my worst fear. Anyway I increased my dose to 37.5 mg but I feel like there should be other solutions? I mean I can't feel like myself when I am on SSRI and can't have a good relationship with anyone when I am not on it. Also therapy wasn't enough.

TLDR: My girlfriend told me something that triggered me and I can't do anything without SSRI but SSRI are causing me to go numb.