I’m 52 yo currently on hospice at home slowly declining with stage 5 kidney failure . I watched my husband take his last breath in may of last year and it changed me.
I don’t know where he is. My mom died in 2022.
Part of me is excited to be with them again but then I go through this “what if” every night. What if the afterlife isn’t all everyone claims it is? I’m so scared sometimes.
I just filled out my paperwork for the funeral home because considering I have nothing to leave my son I was worried about him dealing with things after I’m gone, so my dad & stepmom have taken care of that for me.
Anyway, I’m writing in here because I wonder if anyone else ls actually dying and if they go through the back and forth, and how do they deal with it.
I just wanna believe my husband and mom are gonna be there when I go, and I know there’s no evidence of what happens after we’re long gone since only the dead actually know that.
It’s weird because my husband and I used to discuss how my mom knew but we still didn’t. And after watching him take his last breath I realized he knows but I don’t.
I want to believe that it’s a beautiful place that looks like Switzerland, with our animals roaming everywhere and all our loved ones too.
But here it is, evening again and my anxiety is creeping up on me. Worries that things aren’t what people think they are in the afterlife. I don’t know if this is a normal process when you’re dying or what, but I don’t like it.