throwaway account. English is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any mistakes.
Hi everyone,
I’ve been researching for a while now but i cant seem to find what I’m looking for.
In 2022 I got sober after 10 years of chaos. In the last few years I’ve gotten diagnosed with adhd and am on prescription medication which helps a lot.
I’ve never liked the taste of coffee and was always very anti energy drinks because they are bad for your health (lol). My first year of sobriety I work a 9 to 5 for about a years. Undiagnosed adhd + getting up early made me give in to the temptation of caffeine.
For a few years this kinda ok. I still stand by the fact that energy drinks are very unhealthy but one a day to keep me functioning in the mornings was fine.
However, in the last 1.5-2 years my relationship with caffeine has gotten very unhealthy. For a while I was drinking an insane amount every single day. Thankfully, I’ve managed to break the daily habit.
But now I’m stuck in a loop where every week I have one day where I think I’ll just drink one (because they do make me feel better, I literally feel happier). But it never stops after on. It’s 1:1 my relationship with drinking. I don’t drink it to just get a bit more energy. I drink in compulsively to escape. Once I start, I can’t stop. I drink them till late in the night to the point where don’t sleep for a full night or sometimes maybe a few hours. Ive called in sick at work once because I was feeling so shitty and have cancelled other fun things because I don’t feel well.
Ofcourse it doesn’t have the same effect on my life as alcohol did but I recognize that this is a problem that needs to be addressed asap.
When you search for caffeine addiction you find a lot of information but it’s mostly about the ‘normal’ ‘accepted’ caffeine addiction that a lot of adults seem to have. But I can’t find anything about caffeine addiction where I read about the behavior that is the same as it was for me with alcohol.
At this point, anything is welcome. Worksheets, books, podcast, other sources, personal experiences you name it.
The only thing I want to kindly ask it to not go into the health risk. I know all about it, have researched it extensively. But in a naturally anxious person so I’d really would not get lost in it since it’s not productive. I’d really just want to for a solution.
I’ve talked to people about it irl but it seems like no one really understands it or takes it seriously unfortunately. I know many people from meetings who also consume an ungodly amount of caffeine but they seem ok with it. And if it works for them, it works ofcourse. But I just really want to break this cycle.
Thanks in advance