So anyway, the title basically says it all. Lil context, I 22F, and best friend 20F (we’ll call her Jessica) are living with our other bestie, also 22F, (Ally) We’ve been in a friend group of three for over ten years atp so we’re locked in.
It all started around October when Ally’s long term (lowkey shitty) boyfriend broke up with her over text. They had been on and off since middle school, so obviously she was devastated.
Now like any college girls we love to go out. In the past, Ally would go, but would sit in the corner and text her (now ex)boyfriend. We were hoping to see her put herself out there when she was ready, but she almost immediately moved on to the subject of our story…
Around November she started nonstop texting her manager (25 M). When I made comments about her maybe having a crush she was defensive and quickly stated that he had a girlfriend. Now lie to your mama not to me because she literally put her car in park in the turning lane to text him back once. Wtf.
I managed to read some of these messages (with her permission) and they were all him complaining about his long term girlfriend (6years) and Ally consoling him. Considering that he was living with her and planning to propose, we felt like Ally was crossing a boundary and we told her it was odd behavior for both of them.
Spoiler alert she never stopped texting him.
Better yet, they started “hanging out” after their shifts to sometimes 4 or 5 in the morning. These “hangouts” were in the parking lot of the place they work or our apartment complex. Jessica and I invited him in multiple times because we wanted to meet who suddenly had all Ally’s attention. He never wanted to come up.
Now this isn’t really a problem until we get to December. Come Christmas time, Jessica and I went back to our hometown to visit family and Ally stayed and worked.
While we were gone we both suddenly found out that he had broken up with his girlfriend and was staying at our apartment for the time being. When we found out, he had already been staying there for over a week and was left alone there multiple times. Mind you, we had no idea. We hadn’t even met him at this point.
Jessica confronted Ally first and told her that having a stranger in the apartment made her uncomfortable. Ally seemed to take it well or so we thought. Definitely created some tension, but it died down a little after we met the guy.
Now, honestly we both dig the guy. He’s funny and cool to hang with. The only real issue that I have with him is how he handled his relationships.
Since this incident though, Jessica has asked multiple times to be made aware when he’s staying over. Ally let us know once and immediately it was back to old habits. We asked her again to let us know when he was here and she’s doing so, but the air feels tense.
As Ally’s friends, Jessica and I truly want her to be happy, but as her roommates, we are conflicted with her lack of communication. We’re also concerned that neither of them have had time to process the abrupt ending of both of their long term relationships since they work together, sleep together, and still text constantly.
Are we crazy for being so concerned about this situation?