For additional context, this was my first post that I posted here a couple of weeks ago:
https://www.reddit.com/r/phcareers/comments/1sppx61/im_so_worried_about_not_becoming_regularized/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Long story short: My first month's assessment was "not so great and I need to keep up"
The entire month has been me working overtime everyday wherein in some days I work both the morning shift and the night shift, all to be able to meet "urgent" deliverables that are "needed by EOD". I reach out to individuals I don't even know to be able to discuss on processes I'm not even fully sure of at all because "I need to own the system and be accountable for everything and everyone involved" and then when I head into internal meetings to be able to discuss my next steps moving forward I'm then told "you're wrong - this was explained to you - this is not how it works - you're lost and you need to keep up". Whenever I take the initiative to be able to hop on a quick meeting to discuss the processes and my clarifications, all I really feel is the obvious disappointment and frustration of my manager having to talk about things I was never even aware of in the first place which leads me to this mindset of "Should I even ask anymore? Who can I reach out to?". The urgent deliverables that I seem to fail to deliver as well as the meetings that end up feeling like humiliation rituals for having to say "I don't know" aren't even the worst parts because I'm also constantly tormented by the hard skills of my job - having to develop systems using tools I don't even know how to use at all without any onboardings (mind you, these were not mentioned in my resume and I even clarified that I didn't know how to use them at all) and this leads me to having to work the after hours to "develop, improve, and innovate" the best that I can, only to be told the next day that "this is lackluster, we expected more, submit a polished version EOD". I can't even talk about my priorities because all I'd be getting is "You can work those in parallel" or "This is a sink or swim environment, if you can't keep up - you'll sink."
I moved all the way from Visayas to Manila, with big hopes, big dreams, and an even bigger hunger to live the best life I can live as a young professional but this first month has been so dreadful that I could honestly say that I feel depressed (I'd never use this word lightly, this period has been the most dreadful period of my entire life).
I try my best - my absolute hardest - this I can swear, but it just seems to be not enough at all. I went from initially thinking "how can I become a regular" to "how can I survive while I'm still probationary".
I'm alone in the city and realistically I've only been able to vent through online platforms but I really just want to meet someone and let it all out. It's been so tough and difficult and I really pride myself in my grit but this is the worst it has ever been, I just can't take it anymore.
I only have 1 month's worth of salary in my savings with a 6 month contract in my condo but I think it's best for me to find a new job for the sake of my mental health - I'm just in fear of what if the next job is going to be just like this.
Any advice/guidance/tips/words of wisdom? This is the first time ever in my life that I've ever gone through a challenge or hurdle of this degree.