Hi everyone!
I'm not sure if this is the right place for this... but I wanted to share my DNA results as well as my experience growing up as a mixed race woman.
My whole life I've identified as Black and Puerto Rican. Black from my father's side, and Puerto Rican (plus some other mixed ancestry) from my mother's side. My grandfather is Puerto Rican and was born on the island, and my grandmother has mixed ancestry (we're getting a 23andme kit for her soon to learn more), but we know there's definitely black ancestry there as well.
I wasn't born on the island, but I grew up more with PR culture than anything else. However, I was never taught Spanish at home. I'm not exactly sure if there was a reason or they just never cared to, but all I do know is that I've always struggled with my identity as a result, especially once I spent more time around different races/ethnicities. In school, I would always get asked what I am. I'd respond with what I knew, Black and Puerto Rican.
For a little more context, I'm light skinned and have long ringlet curls (3c if you're familiar with the "hair typing" system). There's nothing that really stands out about me in particular. When I look at myself I just see a person with mixed ancestry. I don't see "one or the other", if that makes any sense?
Anyway, for some reason when ever I responded to people asking me what I am, I got looked at like I had two heads (and this is still true today at 30 yrs old). I'm not "black" looking enough, but I'm also not "Puerto Rican" looking enough even though Puerto Ricans are very diverse. I know that Puerto Ricans have a mixture of European (Spain), Taíno, and African ancestry, and those mixtures can vary from person to person.
I don't really feel accepted by either community, and it's really upsetting because after years of being complacent and being too lazy to learn Spanish and more about my culture, I've finally decided to take charge and embrace it. However, the more I try to connect with others, the more I feel like a door is being slammed in my face. It seems as though I just don't fit the mold enough to be accepted. I don't want to feel like I HAVE to choose, and I definitely don't want others to think it's okay to choose FOR me.
"You're only 25% so you're not really Puerto Rican"
"You're lighted skinned with loose curls so you're not really black"
For some reason it STILL takes me by surprise when people say stupid things like this. I just don't understand how some people can be so close minded... BUT at the end of the day, I know what matters the most is that I accept myself. I know my ancestry, and I've been able to trace back where most of my family comes from on both sides. I'm just me. And although it makes me sad that I feel like I don't belong sometimes, I know that not everyone is that way and that people who value me don't care about any of that anyway.
I'd love to hear other people's experiences and opinions. If you've gotten this far, thank you so much for reading and I hope you have an amazing day/night!